The Checkup [Novgorod]

[Vek Vek]

A message went out without fanfare on the Novgorod's intracomm network, titled simply Mandatory: Medical Evaluation, sent to every crew member and registered embedded passenger.

To all crew and passengers,

Pursuant to Alliance Naval Code 35.2.99, I am hereby administrating mandatory medical fitness evaluations for all persons aboard this ship. With the authority cited in aforementioned code, and with all authorities held by a warship Chief Medical Officer, all persons are compelled to submit to screening to ascertain a level of health, well-being, and therefore combat readiness. Failure to comply will result in demerits administered to commissioned and non-commissioned duty jackets, as they may apply. It is the wishes of the Captain that his ship performs to maximum duty readiness. The health of the crew is not to be overlooked in this task.

Appointments will be seen over the next two weeks. Please reserve time on a first-come, first-serve basis. Failure to do so would be unwise.

Sincerely,
Vek Vek
Chief Medical Officer
ANS Novgorod

[Lyanie Quez]

She wasn't a stubborn patient by any means. By the loving care of her Mother and Father, she had it impressed on her from a young age the importance of caring for her body. After all, she wasn't a damn good and dependable engineer by living a life of sloth and abandon. Sure, a lot of grease and a more-often-than-necessary consumption of questionable makes of alcohol - to be clear, the more-often-than-necessary had everything to do with the lacking quality of the swill than any sort of regular frequency of consumption - made her not a temple of cleanliness and godliness, but she had always found these mandatory medical evaluations to be something of an infringement on what little privacy she cared to have.

But it didn't mean she'd hesitate, argue, kick or scream - that only made it worse. It was always best to get it over with. Besides, most docs were decent people. Considering that - did Vek Vek qualify under the classical definition of 'people'? Best not to dwell on the thought.

It was with these considerations that the engineer wasted little time in making reservation for her evaluation. Get it over and done with. It was for the best. Of course, not discounting the fact that the very morning of this evaluation, Tink was more high-strung and consternated than usual and it made her glad to be free from the scope of his fiery mood for at least a time.

Even if it meant that time was with Vek Vek.

"Mornin', Doctor." She threw out in greeting as she entered the medbay. She'd taken a quick split to free her person of the oils that unavoidably assailed every individual that even so much as placed one boot in the engine room on her way to the medbay. It was the least she could do. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

[Vek Vek]

Vek Vek scratched his chin. Already complications. "Morning" was a meaningless construct in interstellar travel, although he reluctantly went along with the tradition.

"Er...greetings."

He was not intimately familiar with the crew, so he ran his PDA over her ident badge she wore on her engineer's jumpsuit.

"Ah. Quez, D'Lyanettea Meresco. Lieutenant. Appreciate preference for directness. Will begin exam promptly."

He gestured to the small panel to his right.

"Please stand. Will record necessary biometrics. Height and weight priority."

[Lyanie Quez]

Take it easy, he's just a doctor. Authority figures in these situations are bound to call you by your proper name.

Outwardly, Lyanie simply blinked and nodded.

"Okay, Doc." Though she did have limits on what she would let fly.

Inwardly, if not for the fact that he was the Doc and therefore just doing his duties, she'd have socked him a right good one, right in what best served as the Doc's 'kisser', on account of her undeniable dislike for her full-on given name. She turned and moved over to the panel and stood, as directed. The most comfortable (and distracting from all this gut want for reaction) thing to do was to make conversation.

"I can tell ya right now, doc, I ain't gotten any taller since I was eighteen. And I certainly ain't gotten shorter, either."

[Vek Vek]

"Understandable observation. But fallacious. Anecdotal sample size of one. Frivolities of gravity both artificial and variable on planetary bodies of varying mass, combined with the proclivity of the female human anatomy toward osteoporosis without supplemental minerals."

He checked the reading of her height, and clicked his tongue slightly.

"Your anecdotal observation is however confirmed. This time."

Moving on, he gestured for her to sit.

"How do you feel?"

[Lyanie Quez]

Taking that as a 'yes', that her height was much the same as when it was realized she had ceased to gain vertically in stature, Lyanie smiled and followed the doctor's direction to take a seat. Which she did.

"How do you feel?"

It would be so easy to just say she was 'fine', but that would hardly be a satisfactory response. Fine didn't really say anything since it was pretty much a brush-off. The engineer thought about how she felt for a moment or two more before giving an answer.

"Pretty good all-around, doc." She nodded, as if to affirm that for herself. "Not even so much as a sniffle in a long while."

Yep, completely honest and entirely painless.

[Vek Vek]

"Good, good."

Determining a point of reference to begin the examination in earnest was pragmatic. If a patient complained of conditions prior to an examination, their feedback became a powerful tool in determining diagnosis and treatment.

The Doctor slapped a flexible adhesive strip to Lyanie's head and a band around her arm that began to constrict gently but firmly.

"Temperature nominal. Pulse nominal. No indication of autoimmune antipathogen reactions."

He tilted her chin back, shining a light into her nostrils.

"Passages clear, minimal mucous with acceptable color."

He paused as he let his fingers go, examining her skin.

"Some dermal reddening. Exposure to engine chemicals suspect. Suggest astringent exfoliant and application of amino-protein moisturizer balm. Minor. Minor."

[Lyanie Quez]

Lyanie nodded and nodded ever so slightly when the doctor was done squeezing her arm and flashing a light up her nose.

"Nothin' I haven't dealt with before, doc." The corners of her mouth lifted a small bit in a fair smile. "Occupational hazards n' all that."

This was pretty dull, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary stuff. Her mind began to wander and she started to consider algorithms and if she'd heard anything in the hum of the engines that shouldn't be there. It was something you started to notice when you got used to how a particular engine was supposed to sound when operating optimally. The optimal purr tended to set her at ease and the thought of it made one corner of her mouth twitch upward a little further.

[Vek Vek]

"Experience headaches? Shortness of breath? Acute joint pain?"

Lyanie shook her head to each, and the doctor quickly checked them off.

"Acceptable. There are 29 lubricants, solvents, and reagents used by Engineering that can cause maladies. Please exercise all caution when using. Notify me if feeling unwell. Moving on."

He checked his pad again, and looked up.

"Active sex life?"

[Lyanie Quez]

She caught the questions just barely at the edge of her reverie, doing nothing more than shaking her head in response - she would have nodded too, if it was at all necessary. All this in the checkup was dull, monotonous, but she'd appreciate that people did their jobs... later, later.

Of course, daydreams never lasted, and they always abruptly ended just as they were getting good. Just not like this:

"Active sex life?"

Her head jerked suddenly at that, her eyes snapping into place right on what was approximated as the doctor's face.

"I... um..." She grasped for the words that just didn't seem to be there, bit at her lip... think, think, think!... her eyes had wandered away, as the words came, her eyes found their way back. Always look someone in the face when you talk to them.

"...well, I'm sure you know things can be hectic. We've all been busy, doc. But... yes. I guess you could call it that."

[Vek Vek]

"Piqued rise in color, perspiration, quickness of breath. Alarm not intended. Candid discussion. Confidential. Doctor patient relationship founded on trust and administration of care."

He did his best to smile.

"I care."

The smile dropped and he returned to his datapad.

"Estimation. How often do you and the Captain share coitus? On weekly basis."

[Lyanie Quez]

She hadn’t been on ship much more than a couple weeks. It was intense, being thrown into the fray with barely so much as a ‘hey, welcome aboard’ (though she was certain that, in passing, that some tech in the hanger bay had given her some form of greeting but it was just that quick that she’d been distracted into things that needed doing) but you just went on with it.

“Once… or twice.” She grimaced, then laughed. Her eyes flicked away, then back at the doc. “One and a half, honestly. Busy, like I said.”

Lyanie almost wondered how often the doc did it, but that ended up being something she didn’t want to know.

[Vek Vek]

Vek Vek nodded.

"Coitus natural response to intrinsic urge. Natural to pursue. Overindulgence problematic. Consider your frequency...normal."

He pursed his lips, deciding how to continue.

"Inter-species relations often carry caveats. Am sure you know risks, but would be unprofessional to gloss over. Functional incompatibilities in genatalia known to cause, ahem, repetitive stress injuries in some case studies."

He coughed.

"Fortunately Human-Cizerack, ahem, compatible. Caution advised in other areas. Natural Cizerack response to many stimuli, climax included, a sudden extraction of claws. Painful. Possible infection risk. Exercise care."

[Lyanie Quez]

That hadn’t happened yet. But she was aware that, in theory from experience with nonsentient feline pets (barn cats, farm cats), claws could play a great role.

“Thank you, Doc. I’ll keep that in mind.” She said. “Been pretty safe, so far.”

And they had been careful, but after not being around him for what seemed like too long of a time, and then being there around him again, careful could be difficult. It had been difficult.

[Vek Vek]

"Another matter, possibly trivial. Still recommend due diligence. Felinoid life forms susceptible carriers of toxoplasmosis. Microscopic parasitic organism."

He raised his hands before this set off alarm bells.

"Not fatal. Not externally symptomatic or life changing. In fact, questionable effect at all, beyond possible, ahem, behavioral changes in victim's brain."

[Lyanie Quez]

Well, that was certainly concerning enough to make her brow knit in... well, concern.

"What kind of changes are we talkin' about here, doc?" She blew a loose hair out of her face. "Despite everything, we're both very clean people. So how in the world would such a thing even happen?"

The hair landed on her face again - she pulled it away and wrenched it into place behind her ear.

[Vek Vek]

He half blinked, and his eyes opened fully again.

"Behavioral modification noted in affected species of rodentia, typically food sources for felinoids. Affected fight or flight response. Intended mechanism of parasite, to enable consumption and transmission to new host."

His fleshy eyepads over his eyes raised.

"Behavior changes in sentients have no analogue. Change possible in theory only. Possibly more open to suggestion?"

The doctor coughed.

"Wouldn't worry. Transmission only, ahem, via unhygienic means. Keep sexual activity limited to positions and techniques recommended by phyisician. Anticipate no complications."

Again a forced smile.

"Congratulations. Clean bill of health, Miss Quez. Sign here."

[Lyanie Quez]

He nearly had her there. The smile came back to her face as he pronounced the checkup done.

"Thanks, doc." Lyanie said, signing off as required. "Always good to know I'm in good shape where it matters."

She slipped away from where she had been seated, thanked the doctor again and left, slipping out the door to the medbay, narrowly escaping being bowled over by what she assumed would be the doc's next patient as she made her way back down to engineering.

[Regan Altink]

"Bloody bunch o' cowards," Regan muttered to himself as he trudged through the deck, boots clomping heavily with every reluctant step. From the second that the Doctor's transmission had landed on consoles in engineering, absolutely every single member of his repair crew had been extremely busy. When their extreme business had expended all of the tasks that they had to complete, they'd then volunteered for extra duties, bonus tasks, and various other bits and pieces to keep themselves occupied.

It was a ruse to delay the inevitable physical exam of course; but not particularly good at remembering to check the shipboard bulletins on his console - generally speaking there were no things to wrench or hammer around his console, so he avoided it as much as possible - he'd been under the mistaken impression that everyone was just being uncharacteristically helpful.

It had been too late to do anything about it once he'd discovered the real reason why. Rather than accept defeat at the hands of his engineers however, he'd simply told them all - very loudly - that he planned to head down to medical as quickly as possible, and that they were all bound to fail their check-up due to their total lack of spines.

Honestly though, Regan was just as reluctant as they were. Most of the time, he couldn't understand a bloody word that the Doctor was saying.

Halting just outside the medbay, Regan entered stealth mode, a head sticking through the portal to sweep around. "Oh, what a shame," he muttered to himself after a few fractions of a second. "Looks like the doctor isnae here. Guess I'll have to drop back a wee bit later."

What a shame indeed.

His plans for a covert escape however were quickly thwarted when Lyanie Quez surged past him at speed, looking somewhat less chirpy than she normally did. A sinking feeling of dread formed in the pit of his stomach: if Vek Vek had managed to put a damper on Lyanie's good mood, what hope was there for the rest of them?

Turning slightly pale, Regan stepped into the bay and offered a sheepish: "Hullo?"

[Vek Vek]

"Ah, new patient. Yes, yes. Come. Please to sit."

Vek Vek directed Regan to the examination bench, and he swiped his PDA over his ident badge.

"Altink, Regan, Lieutenant. Engineering. Ah."

He inhaled sharply.

"Two engineers in a row. Something I should know? Spill vat of carcinogens recently?"