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Thread: Rest for the Wicked

  1. #21
    There was a lot to unpack in what had just been told to him, more yet he wanted to say or ask in response, but first he found his footing falter as she told him plainly, directly, that he was free.

    "I'm sorry its just..." He took a deep breath really taking in the air, the grasses around them the sounds of the outside. There was a bird call somewhere in the distance. He simply stood for a moment and relished it. He finally let out one of the longest breaths of his life and managed to find his pace to fall in step behind her again.

    "Thank you." It was all he could think to really say in the moment, even if it wasn't entirely appropriate. He'd chosen to go through this, to wait. Still the words she'd used started to roll back in his mind. He'd actually wondered, having little to do in the days and weeks initially following his meeting with the council, about his interactions with Master Laran. When the others had come to speak to him over, but not her, it had grown into a larger question.

    "You don't want me here, do you?" He wasn't going to beat around the bush, not after so long. He'd been chewing on that question almost the entire length of time he'd been aboard the Whaladon. He couldn't fault her, but it was a point of contention that even if they couldn't reach an understanding, he didn't want to let sit quietly until it festered into something rotten.

  2. #22
    Serena didn’t reply immediately, continuing their slow walk around the Whaladon.

    ”Ever since you arrived, the only thing I wanted was for you to leave. I have a personal history with the Inquisitorate. As you were a member of that group, I had focused my emotions from that time upon you.

    ”Unfairly,” she added. “I know you were not personally responsible for any of that. I know you are trying to embrace the Light - as I am also trying. As are we all. To expect perfection from you would just set you up for failure, as no one is perfect.”

    Serena stopped walking, looking toward a tree rustling in the warm breeze. “A part of me would like you to leave, but it would only be for a selfish reason. If you left, I would not have to confront the part of me that needs to practice forgiveness.”


    there is no passion; there is serenity
    there is no death; there is the Force


  3. #23
    He nodded slowly as she spoke of her interaction with the Inquisitoriate. He'd wondered. He let a sigh wander off his lips, he wanted to move past that part of what he'd been as well. He wanted to walk in the light, even if a part of him would always be convinced it wasn't where he belonged.

    "It... it honestly doesn't matter if I was personally responsible or not." He said a bit sourly, his thoughts inward at the person he had been. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, not all of which happened after I joined the Empire. I won't make excuses for myself, to what I've done and what I've been guilty of. I am truly sorry for those things. I am sorry for the things that I was privy to and those that I wasn't, but still helped cause with my silent compliance. I'm sorry for what you've been through."

    He found a shade tree to lean against briefly, stalling their walk. "I can't take any of that back. This is... I honestly don't know which chance I'm on. Too many, but I have to learn to let go of that. I have to trust the Force." He looked around the compound from his vantage point, the grass, the trees, the life that moved around them.

    "It is really beautiful here."

  4. #24
    “It is,’’ she replied mildly, letting Xanatos take his time.

    “There are many people I can blame for what happened to me. For what the Empire, or the Inquisitorate, has done to me, and others like me. For what they did to you.

    ”Holding onto my hurt has only made it worse.” Serena faced the former prisoner. “I appreciate your apology. But it would never be enough for the part of me that demanded it. That’s how insidious the Dark side is. It wiggles in as a justifiable feeling of pain, and takes root.”

    She smiled sadly, one hand holding onto the long red braid that hung over her shoulder. “So I am working on forgiveness. And I forgive you​, Xanatos Etanial.”

  5. #25
    A lump formed in his throat as a voice inside told him firmly, assuredly he hadn't earned this. The words Master Laran spoke of the insidious nature of the darkside echoed what Knight Solomon had spoken to him of on their walk some time ago. How if he thought he could find penance in walking in the light it risked destroying him further, that the old had to pass away to become the new.

    "Thank you, Master Jedi. And I will do my best to find a way to forgive myself, and walk forward in the light."

    He managed a slightly broken smile, a chuckle catching in his throat as the sound hitched on his lips. "It does seem though.... that I'm going to have to have been a liar, Master Laran," thinking back to the first day he had arrived here - of first learning there was a difference, a true difference, between light and dark in the Force. Of standing before the council and asking to study the materials of the Jedi, while also saying... "When I first arrived. When I was told you'd let me read and learn, I said I wouldn't ask to join this Order as I didn't feel I deserved to. I know now, that what matters is where the Force has led me. Here. To this moment, and this request."

    He let a breath fill his lungs and released it slowly, clearing his mind to help and calm himself. "Master Laran, if I may be allowed, I'd like to become a Jedi Padawan."
    Last edited by Xanatos Etanial; Jun 23rd, 2019 at 02:06:57 PM. Reason: I am an idiot who misreads things

  6. #26
    * * *
    The Next Day



    He sat outside the main entry hatch of the Whaladon, sitting on one of the woodcarved benches that had been set up on either side. The last three months had seen a growth spurt, and Jamis now stood more than a few inches taller than he had previous.

    He'd been told that it was important for him to be here, and meet the man with the blue hair. The man that Master Vymes had brought back from a mission.

    It was an hour past sunrise, and idly, he picked at the edge of his tabard.

    He wondered if the blue-haired man would ever come out.

  7. #27
    The conversation with Master Laran had gone better than he'd hoped, though it had still ended on vague terms. They would look into a Master for him, when there was time and resources available. Plenty of students, but not nearly enough teachers - though didn't that seem typical of all places of learning? Still she had treated him with more kindness than he'd expected, or really felt he deserved. Now, now - he had promised to work on forgiving himself, and it was no time to mope about.

    Hopefully, if Ossus couldn't provide him with a teacher right away, he could at least find more suitable housing than the cell aboard the Whaladon, even if now he found his cell door open and no guards left to keep him under observation. Oh they were still around, he'd have been a terrible former Intelligence officer not to notice the glances and eyes that kept track of him. He was free, but trust would take time. He understood that.

    At least he could walk the compound and that was just what he planned to do this morning. He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the glinting reflection of the morning sun off nearby scaffolding as they adjusted to being outside. An absolutely beautiful day.

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