Sadie K'Vesh
TheHolo.Net Poster

H-hello, m-m-m-miss!

I am t-two w-one bee, but you m-may call m-m-me b-Bumble-b-b-bee. My m-medical f-f-functions are completely at your d-d-disposal.

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Since Captain Montegue has instructed me to reclassify your intel profile from "Contact" to "Crew", it seems necessary for me to inform you of some basic ground rules that you will need to observe and comply with while you are aboard.

Rule 1
Under no circumstances should you allow Katie to see you enter or leave the Captain's quarters. The last time anyone did so with any kind of regularity, Captain Montegue left the ship - and us - powered down for a duration of seven months. Katie does not respond well to abandonment, and will take steps to avoid repeating that experience.

Rule 2
If you suspect that Katie has witnessed you enter or leave the Captain's quarters for any reason, do not use the hydroshower for a duration of at least 48 hours.

Rule 3
If you are rendered unconscious by an electrical discharge while in the hydroshower, please try to fall modestly. I do not want to have to look at your junk.

Rule 4
Learn the name of at least one Republic Rangers character. Select several (more than two) reasons why they are your designated "favorite". Colour preference is not a valid reason.

Rule 5
Do not forget the name of your favorite Republic Ranger.

Rule 6
Do not in any way criticise Alex Carmine, the red Republic Ranger.

Rule 7
If you inadvertently insult the red Republic Ranger, ensure that you are armed and that your door is locked before you sleep.

Rule 8
If Captain Montegue offers to cook food, do not decline. Statistically, instances of consuming his cooking results in vigorous carnal activity on at least 87% of occasions, so presumably his culinary abilities will not adversely impact your health. However, declining will adversely impact the Captain's mood. He is insufferable when he is cranky.

Rule 9
If you intend to play the quetarra while you are aboard, do so with an open door. No room on this vessel is entirely soundproof, so we will hear you regardless: having the door open will make you more conscious of the entry and exit of other members of the crew. it will also prevent you from seeming like a moody jackass who is trying to hide her "gods damned amazing talent, Sleazy - I'm not kidding, you absolutely should listen to this, it's kriffing amazing" activities from someone who responds favorably and enthusiastically to them.

Rule 10-infinity
Don't be an idget. I cannot stress this enough.