Shattered Illusions [complete]

[Anna Fernandez]

Anna Fernandez swept her hair out of her eyes with a damp, sudsy hand, scrubbing a stubborn pyrex dish from the night before that she'd left to soak in the sink. Dios mío, what a night. She ran hot water on the other side of the partitioned sink, rinsing the soap from the baking dish to see what sort of progress she'd made on the gunk that had cooked onto the surface. There were still fragments stubbornly clinging to the corners and edges, so she dunked it back into the soapy water.

Apollos showing up had been completely unanticipated. And then the way he'd just left... also unexpected. The evening had been salvaged, of course, but it had rattled her. So like him, she mused, flexing her hand and then attacking the glass casserole dish with the scrubby side of the sponge, determined to remove the very last spot from it.

As was often the case in the summer, the house was empty, at least for the afternoon. Anna didn't mind, in fact she enjoyed getting a bit of time to herself, even if she was spending it washing dishes. She held up the pan and looked at it with the sun shining through it from the window, then lowered it and rinsed it off again. Por último limpia.

She was starting on the second casserole dish when he approached the House for the second time in two days, just as unexpectedly as before.

[Feral]

A rust red pickup parked in front of Redencion House. The engine died as the ignition key left its place on the steering column and found its usual place in Apollos' left front pocket.

From the looks of things, no one was home. Or at least none of the kids were home. He would find out. He could always come back later. He just needed to speak to her.

He walked up to the front door as he had the evening before, took a deep breath, and knocked. Then, he waited. He had planned out everything he had to say on the way here. Naturally, as the seconds ticked away on the front porch, all of it evaporated from his mind.

He did hope she'd hurry.

[Anna Fernandez]

Anna dried her hands on a towel, leaving the sink and its contents behind as she walked up the hall to the front door. Peeking through the peep hole she saw Apollos standing there, and she drew back for a moment, surprised.

But he was an old friend, of her, of the House, and she pulled the door open, the dish towel still in her hand. "Hello, Apollos. Two days in a row!" Anna unlatched the screen door, allowing him access inside. "It has been a while, I was afraid something had happened to you when we didn't hear from you for so long. Before... yesterday, of course." Her smile faltered only a bit as she remembered him stalking out of the house.

[Feral]

"It is odd, isn't it?" Apollos kept his voice civil. "It seems like so much has changed since I was last here," he continued, eyeing Anna's stomach.

He could feel it already--the anger. Who did that to her? How could she allow it? A woman of her stature, her class?

"May I come in."

[Anna Fernandez]

"Of course," she said, stepping back a bit as she held the screen door open. "And yes, a lot has changed."

Anna remembered the last time - not counting the night before - that she'd seen Apollos. The night the Tres Once's had attacked the house. She folded her arms around her body unconsciously at the memory, then looked down the hall towards the kitchen.

"Do you want something to drink?"

[Feral]

"No." There was a pause, and it seemed almost like an after-though that he remembered his manners. "Thank you."

Silence hung in the air, but he could find nothing else to say. Well, there was one thing.

"So you are having a baby, then? Is it true that some of the residents think it is mine?"

[Anna Fernandez]

"No!" Anna said, eyes wide, then amended, "I mean, yes, I am, but no... no I do not think anyone..." Her voice trailed off a bit, her eyes looking to the side and then back to his face.

"I was going to tell everyone that night. The night the Three Elevens attacked." Anna felt awkward having this conversation in the foyer, and took a step backward, down into the living room. "I'm sorry if it surprised you yesterday, just you haven't been around to find out..."

[Feral]

Apollos raised an eyebrow at her rather...emphatic reply. He felt relieved, but hurt. He had once thought what it might be like to have children, and (fortunately or unfortunately, he wasn't sure which), included Anna in those dreams.

Feral followed Anna, trying to keep his pace relaxed.

"So, whose is it, then?"

He braced himself for her answer. No matter what she said, he was sure he wouldn't like it.

[Anna Fernandez]

She flushed, putting her hand out and finding the back of the couch behind her. "I... I don't think that changes anything. He's not a part of this anymore. It just... happened."

[Feral]

Just happened. Just happened. "Just happened?"

Feral's voice dripped heavy with scorn and ridicule. "You? Anna? The woman who is always together, always in control, always so ready and decisive when it comes to setting a good example for the teens she cares for? Things suddenly 'just happened?' And now you tell me that this--this--this man, if he can be called such will be offering you no help in caring for the person he burdened you with?"

Feral wondered if he would ever see that child forming in Anna's womb as anything more than that: a burden. Anna would spend the money, the late nights, the lost sleep, and the man who did it to her got to put another notch in his bedpost and cross off "sexy mutant" on his sexual bucket list.

He was disgusted.

[Anna Fernandez]

Anna drew back, shocked at his tone, and placed a hand reflexively on her stomach, growing but still small at only four months along. "He - he doesn't even know about the baby. I can't tell him."

She flushed, remembering the circumstances of her baby's conception. "I am trying to set a good example for the teens," she said, and then added, "But no one is perfect."

[Feral]

"Can't, or won't? But no, I don't expect you could tell him. If he was worth a damn, he would still be here."

Feral stood silent. No one is perfect. No, not even her. When he wanted to conquer the world, he pictured her as his queen. She was not perfect.

"Was he a mutant, at least?"

[Anna Fernandez]

"What does that matter?" Anna said, incredulously. How could she tell this silently seething man that she couldn't tell the father because she didn't know how to get in touch with him. She couldn't even tell her brothers that, and they were family.

Apollos stood there, judging her, and she felt small in his eyes. "He - it is none of your business, Apollos. And if my baby is a mutant or not, I will still love her."

[Feral]

Feral couldn't begin to put into words what he supposed this mystery man might have thought about Anna. All he thought he knew was that this person used her. It only mattered that he was a mutant because at least there wouldn't be the stink of "blonde, brunette, redhead, Asian, Hispanic, Mutant..."

Apollos rolled out his wrists, resisting the prickles under his skin from where his bones threatened to poke through and show his ire.

"No, it is none of my business. But then, none of this is my business, is it?"

He waved a hand at the house. "And yet, here I am trying to lend a hand to help you better provide a safe place for people to come and find refuge from a world that hates them. The same world that will hate that baby--because it is a mutant, or its mother is a mutant, or that it was born a bastard amongst the turmoil of a neighborhood riddled with gang violence and drugs. But then, you never wanted my help, did you?"

[Anna Fernandez]

She took another step back, flustered at the sudden change of subject and the vitriol coming from a man she thought she knew. "I have always appreciated your help, Apollos," Anna said. Her child would never be called a bastard. Her hand tightened on the back edge of the couch, steadying her.

"You - you were always welcome at Redencion." And maybe it was true, but she remembered past frustrations with the man, always showing up unannounced and just doing things without asking if it was all right. Just assuming it was his place to take charge.

[Feral]

"Then why take umbrage when I come?"

Anger relented for a moment and tagged in hurt and confusion. "You and Jake both. For a woman so busy, I try to take care of things I know I can do. I did not worry you about them. You have enough to do. So I took care of the rest."

[Anna Fernandez]

"You - you just assumed," Anna exclaimed. "You never asked. This is my house... my home. My organization! I built it from the ground up. And ser honesto, Apollos, this was never about the house or the work for you."

She put her hand to her temple, rubbing lightly. "Every time you fixed a door, or built a fence or cualquier otra cosa, it was like you were adding something else to an unseen book. To make me -" Anna bit off her words, threw up her hands, and turned away, walking towards the kitchen.

[Feral]

"Make you what?" Feral followed her into the kitchen and leaned on the island as he had done the evening before.

He watched her in silence, feeling impatient and more angry at the half-finished sentence.

"Make you what?"

[Anna Fernandez]

She trembled, either with fear or anger, and whirled on him, the island a barrier between them. "Make me care for you! You want- wanted more than I can give you, more than my friendship."

Anna wiped angry tears from her eyes, turning away and attacking the casserole dish in the sink.

[Feral]

"Make you care for me? MAKE YOU?"

Feral's neck muscles bulged as his jaw clenched down. "I could never make you care for me anymore than I could make the sun stay in the sky! And I did want more than your friendship! A beautiful, caring woman like yourself, who devotes her time and energies so selflessly as to open her home to strangers? How can anyone not dare to dream to fall in love with a woman like that?"

There, he said it. He finally admitted directly, aloud, that he loved her.

"I never meant to intrude. Everything I did, I did because I cared for you. I wanted you to love me too, but--" suddenly words failed him. "Had I known that surprising you with a sink that no longer leaks water all over the floor would make you like me less, I would have gladly let it flood the place!"

Feral sneered. "If it means that much to you, I promise not to even unclog a toilet without your say-so."